Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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