So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
