Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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