I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
