i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
