Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Found the puke drawer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
