One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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