I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
