i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
