I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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