I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize