Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
