Someone shit on the floor
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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