I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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