Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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