i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
