"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
