I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
