I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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