Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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