So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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