girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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