How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize