Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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