Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
