you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
