Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
