I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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