dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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