dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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