I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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