Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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