Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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