Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
