Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
