Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
