is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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