its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
