Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
