saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
