yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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