The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's just like the Real World with babies
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
