she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
