mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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