see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
