Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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