there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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