dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
