Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Small penises have feelings too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
