Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
