Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
