Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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