I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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