I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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