What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
