he was CRYING into my vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize