woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
