The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
