I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
