Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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