Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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