her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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