I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
